It's October and we’ve all just gone through more than a month of adjustment to new (or renewed) routines with the start of the school year. Now that we’re (hopefully) well adjusted to the school routine, we can relax and reflect on those first few days - likely things have gotten easier. Change is rarely, simple, easy or smooth, but if there is one thing that can make change easier, it is to recognize that it is challenging, and to find compassion and kindness for ourselves and those around us, as we are challenged by change.
I think there is a natural human tendency to gloss over the difficult parts once we have “arrived” and forget or ignore the challenges we walked through to get to that point. Then we end up surprised and grouchy when we hit challenges again, because in our amnesia, we have failed to anticipate that there will be challenges - again - just like all the other times. It would be great if past adaptations to change meant that future ones could be done in a snap, but anyone who has driven the roads on the first day of snow knows we all forget and need to re-adjust even to very familiar change.
Try thinking of change, whether it is a new routine, new exercise practice or new eating habit, like a mountain climb. Assuming it will be simple and easy, failing to acknowledge the challenge could mean death (new habit doesn’t get established, you go back to old ways) or you struggle mightily, get in arguments with fellow climbers, the ascent is miserable, and you arrive at the top spent and resentful. Just as it would be madness for a mountain climber to ignore the challenges of their attempt in changing their geographic location, I think we have a bit of a collective madness in failing to acknowledge how challenging change can be.
One of the kindest things we can do for ourselves is to shift our mindset so that we go into a period of change with our eyes open to the notion that we will experience challenge and failure. Acknowledging that it’s just part of the journey gives us the capacity to be kind with ourselves when we hit the rough parts. It also lets us see that challenge or difficulty doesn’t mean we are doing something wrong - which can cause us to give up - but that it is simply part of the process.
Honest assessment and reassessment through the process and compassion are the keys to navigating change with grace.
I think there is a natural human tendency to gloss over the difficult parts once we have “arrived” and forget or ignore the challenges we walked through to get to that point. Then we end up surprised and grouchy when we hit challenges again, because in our amnesia, we have failed to anticipate that there will be challenges - again - just like all the other times. It would be great if past adaptations to change meant that future ones could be done in a snap, but anyone who has driven the roads on the first day of snow knows we all forget and need to re-adjust even to very familiar change.
Try thinking of change, whether it is a new routine, new exercise practice or new eating habit, like a mountain climb. Assuming it will be simple and easy, failing to acknowledge the challenge could mean death (new habit doesn’t get established, you go back to old ways) or you struggle mightily, get in arguments with fellow climbers, the ascent is miserable, and you arrive at the top spent and resentful. Just as it would be madness for a mountain climber to ignore the challenges of their attempt in changing their geographic location, I think we have a bit of a collective madness in failing to acknowledge how challenging change can be.
One of the kindest things we can do for ourselves is to shift our mindset so that we go into a period of change with our eyes open to the notion that we will experience challenge and failure. Acknowledging that it’s just part of the journey gives us the capacity to be kind with ourselves when we hit the rough parts. It also lets us see that challenge or difficulty doesn’t mean we are doing something wrong - which can cause us to give up - but that it is simply part of the process.
Honest assessment and reassessment through the process and compassion are the keys to navigating change with grace.
Websites / Apps to support Change
- Creating Ritual for Happiness - The Conscious act of recognising change in life.
- Helping Children Cope with Change and Stress.
- Guide to building Resilience in young children. (pdf.)
- Track new habits to help create positive change with this Habit Tracker App ( Free App)
- Guided Meditation: Creating Positive Changes To Your Life
- 5 ways to create change
- 7 cups of tea (App)
Activites to support Change
Tracking change-
The most successful way to make lasting change is to be consistent for 21 days. Whatever you are trying to change whether it’s drinking more water, eating more veggies, exercising or getting to school on time, create a calendar or chart that can be placed
in a visible spot where you can mark off each day as you commit to your change.
Supporting Change Jar-
In this jar have each family member write down ways they can help to accomplish the goal. Maybe it’s making sure you have a grocery list, buying healthy groceries, helping with dinner, finding recipes, making sure alarms are set or clothes are laid out,
gym bags are packed or breakfast is pre-made. Whatever tasks family members can help do to make the change easier. Can go into the jar. Each day take turns picking one task out of the jar to follow.
The most successful way to make lasting change is to be consistent for 21 days. Whatever you are trying to change whether it’s drinking more water, eating more veggies, exercising or getting to school on time, create a calendar or chart that can be placed
in a visible spot where you can mark off each day as you commit to your change.
Supporting Change Jar-
In this jar have each family member write down ways they can help to accomplish the goal. Maybe it’s making sure you have a grocery list, buying healthy groceries, helping with dinner, finding recipes, making sure alarms are set or clothes are laid out,
gym bags are packed or breakfast is pre-made. Whatever tasks family members can help do to make the change easier. Can go into the jar. Each day take turns picking one task out of the jar to follow.
5 steps for Change
1. Practice getting outside your comfort zone.
Truth:
One of the reasons we avoid change is the ambiguity that comes with it. We don’t know exactly what will happen. If we let this fear stop us, we may never open ourselves up to some of life’s most fulfilling experiences. One way to fight the fear is to practice
doing more things that scare us. Think of it like lifting weights: We’re strengthening emotional muscles.
Try this:
Write down one thing you can do in the next month that scares you, whether it’s rock-climbing, saying “no” to someone, or going out to dinner alone. Afterward, write down how taking this leap made you feel.
Bonus points:
Do it again next month, and the month after that.
2. Imagine what things will look like after the change.
Truth:
For many of us, the idea of making a change brings up feelings of fear and discomfort. It takes motivation to push past those emotional obstacles to keep going. In these moments, nothing spurs us on more than having a clear picture of how much better things
will be on the other side.
Try this:
Imagine a day in your life after you reach your goal. Write down three ways that day will be awesome. If you’re more visually inclined, you might want to find images that represent how great things will be.
3. Take one small step, then another.
Truth:
As the saying goes, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” Contemplating the enormity of all that’s before you isn’t going to propel you forward. Taking tiny action will boost your energy and optimism.
Try this:
Identify one small, manageable thing you can do this week
to move toward your goal, then do it. Notice the positive feelings you experience when you take action on your own behalf. Now take another small step forward. Before you know it, change will be underway.
4. Choose the right support network.
Truth:
Change can be lonely when you try to handle it all by yourself. It helps to recruit people who can act as sounding boards and help you stay motivated. There are no brownie points for going it alone.
Try this:
Write down the names of two people who can give you a pep talk when you need it. Now write down two other people who would be great at helping you talk things through when you’re suffering a crisis of confidence or hit a roadblock.
Bonus points:
Call, text or email one of them right now
to ask for help. (Need help asking for help? We’ve
got you covered.)
5. Expect failure — and don’t let it stop you.
Truth:
When we find the courage to try something new and it doesn’t work out, it can knock the wind out of our sails. We may question whether the change is worth it, or even possible. But what if failure weren’t such a shock to our system? What if we expected to
fail, sometimes spectacularly, on the path to achieving our goals? What if we focused on how to respond to failure rather than how to avoid it?
Try this:
Think of a recent mistake and examine it for what you’ve learned. Then try again, using that experience. If you need help picking yourself back up, call on your support network to buoy you (see No. 4 above). Spark your motivation by refocusing on the vision
you created for your future (see No. 2). Renew energy and optimism by identifying one small step you can take to move forward (No. 3). And keep finding opportunities to get more comfortable with discomfort (No. 1).
Truth:
One of the reasons we avoid change is the ambiguity that comes with it. We don’t know exactly what will happen. If we let this fear stop us, we may never open ourselves up to some of life’s most fulfilling experiences. One way to fight the fear is to practice
doing more things that scare us. Think of it like lifting weights: We’re strengthening emotional muscles.
Try this:
Write down one thing you can do in the next month that scares you, whether it’s rock-climbing, saying “no” to someone, or going out to dinner alone. Afterward, write down how taking this leap made you feel.
Bonus points:
Do it again next month, and the month after that.
2. Imagine what things will look like after the change.
Truth:
For many of us, the idea of making a change brings up feelings of fear and discomfort. It takes motivation to push past those emotional obstacles to keep going. In these moments, nothing spurs us on more than having a clear picture of how much better things
will be on the other side.
Try this:
Imagine a day in your life after you reach your goal. Write down three ways that day will be awesome. If you’re more visually inclined, you might want to find images that represent how great things will be.
3. Take one small step, then another.
Truth:
As the saying goes, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” Contemplating the enormity of all that’s before you isn’t going to propel you forward. Taking tiny action will boost your energy and optimism.
Try this:
Identify one small, manageable thing you can do this week
to move toward your goal, then do it. Notice the positive feelings you experience when you take action on your own behalf. Now take another small step forward. Before you know it, change will be underway.
4. Choose the right support network.
Truth:
Change can be lonely when you try to handle it all by yourself. It helps to recruit people who can act as sounding boards and help you stay motivated. There are no brownie points for going it alone.
Try this:
Write down the names of two people who can give you a pep talk when you need it. Now write down two other people who would be great at helping you talk things through when you’re suffering a crisis of confidence or hit a roadblock.
Bonus points:
Call, text or email one of them right now
to ask for help. (Need help asking for help? We’ve
got you covered.)
5. Expect failure — and don’t let it stop you.
Truth:
When we find the courage to try something new and it doesn’t work out, it can knock the wind out of our sails. We may question whether the change is worth it, or even possible. But what if failure weren’t such a shock to our system? What if we expected to
fail, sometimes spectacularly, on the path to achieving our goals? What if we focused on how to respond to failure rather than how to avoid it?
Try this:
Think of a recent mistake and examine it for what you’ve learned. Then try again, using that experience. If you need help picking yourself back up, call on your support network to buoy you (see No. 4 above). Spark your motivation by refocusing on the vision
you created for your future (see No. 2). Renew energy and optimism by identifying one small step you can take to move forward (No. 3). And keep finding opportunities to get more comfortable with discomfort (No. 1).